so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
