when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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