Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
