sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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