I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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