Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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