her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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