I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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