Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
