So gin and wine won't be happening again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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