and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
