That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
