He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
