Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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