You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
