the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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