Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
