had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
home. puking in laundry basket.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
