i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
