you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
