come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
