I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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