; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
