just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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