worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This house was built for laser tag.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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