ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
