He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dignity is for republicans.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter