biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow