Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch