I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize