I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
