pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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