it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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