theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
