For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
