I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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