Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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