i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
