Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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