His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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