i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize