I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize