Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
