You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.