He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.