i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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