you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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