yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
even my farts smell like vagina
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
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Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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