I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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