Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
