These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
