Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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