i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
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Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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