Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
