...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize